Dear Old man with a bottle of wine sticking out of your pocket who slapped my ass when I was walking to the grocery store,

You are the second stranger who has spanked me in Namibia. Tell me, am I doing something to provoke this? Am I giving off some secret "Please spank me" signal that I'm not aware of? No one else seems to be having this ass-slapping problem but me.

Confused,
r

P.S. I will NOT miss you when I leave Namibia.
P.P.S. I WILL miss the trend of carrying liters of alcohol in your pants pocket.