Dear Thai Massage,

At any given moment I was either in pain or being tickled. I don't think that's what massages are supposed to be like. Or maybe it just turns out I don't like massages very much, hm?

I know I've never had a legit massage before but here's a tip: I don't think people are paying you to punch them multiple times in the back and dig your elbow into their quad. I had flashbacks to when my brother used to beat me up. That can't be what you were going for.

Don't think I'll be seeing you again,
r