Dear Some guy I met at the bar,

I have NO idea what you were saying to me last night. I couldn't hear a single word over the music. (Also, who whispers in a loud bar!?) But if it was anything as clever as the t-shirt you were wearing (which was a "Starbucks Coffee" t-shirt but said "STARFUCKS FOFREE" instead)...

I can only imagine the words of wisdom I must have missed from you.

You're gross,
r