Dear Jar of Mayo In My Fridge,

I wish I had noticed you expired THREE YEARS AGO before I mixed you with my (very expensive) tuna. I’m going to teach you a lesson… Who are we kidding? We both know I can’t afford to throw you away. You win again, Mayonnaise, you win again.

Maybe if I write “TANGY” above your label, I can trick myself into thinking you’re supposed to taste like that.

Duped again,
rachel