Dear All Namibians Everywhere,

How is it that your cell phone speakers are approximately a bajillion (yes, that’s a number) times better than my computer speakers?

I’m not gonna lie. The fact that your dinky phone seems to be nicer than my computer (which is by far the most expensive thing I’ve ever owned) bothers me. But I like that my life has a soundtrack when I’m walking around outside. It’s like you’ve brought the 80’s back in a whole new, more compact way.

And you like Rhianna just as much as I do.

You can stand under my umbrella ella ella eh eh,
r