Dear Bokomo Lemon & Poppyseed Rusks,

Hey, you….yea, YOU. You’re in BIG trouble now. I know you’re probably asking yourself, “What did I do? I’m just a delicious biscuit. A tasty treat.”

Listen, it’s ok when you get crumbs all over me and my room. I understand that. But the fact that someone found your crumbs when they opened the DVD case of LOST that I borrowed last weekend… NOT ok. Get a hold of yourself, Bokomo.

I know, I know, I know. You’re thinking, “What are you looking at me for? You’re the one who’s making me crumble everywhere!” Well if you weren’t so darned delicious I wouldn’t devour you with such hapless disregard of your crumbs, the prospect of ants, and other people’s property. So you need to stop pointing the finger at ME and start taking responsibility for your own tastiness! I think it’s pretty clear who’s at fault here.

Yours truly, the innocent victim who had absolutely no control over where the crumbs happened to fall,
r