Dear Tourist who bent over in front of my face,

Gross. It looks like you were smuggling a poodle in your ass crack. The way I see it you have three options: A.) Shave it; B.) Wear a unitard; C.) Never bend over ever again. EVER.

Optimal solution: ALL OF THE ABOVE.

You need to see a groomer,
r

P.S. I hope the girl you were with knows what she's getting herself into.